Diary of a Wedding Planner: Guestlist (Nigerian Factor)

Wednesday, 8 September 2010

What do you do when you've determined to have a small intimate wedding of 100 or even one of 1,000 guests? Really can you just have the exact number of guests you invited, is it realistic? It seems No is the realistic factor if the event is in Nigeria. There is that little factor known as the 'Nigerian factor' to consider.  It doesn't make it right but it is certainly one of the first lessons a planner learns, wedding planning 101 in wedding or event planning.

So you tell your guests it’s Strictly by Invitation; they decide to leave their invites at home! Some guests even go through the trouble of buying the invites (ever heard of bootleg ivs?) if it they feel it’s a party they must attend. Did I hear you Say O my Goodness!!!!? You can say that again.

We have another category of people who do get of invites but decide to bring 1-3 guests along. I have to confess I’m guilty of this as well. We Nigerians say it’s expected but really it is not OK to bring four (4) people to a wedding that you were  invited to!!

Another reason is that some people just want to see what you can  do. These people do not bother turning up at your ceremony or buying you a gift , they just come to your party with a score sheet. People tag along to weddings of strangers and end up walking by the bride and groom, without bothering to say Congratulations, because they don’t know who the couple are ;-(

As an event planner, I take my time to get to know the family. If they are ‘party people’ for example, when they say 300 guests, we will expect 3 times the numbers and plan accordingly ( which is 900 guests). So you can imagine how many will come when you do say, 1,500 guests!  Your guess is as good as mine.

At a particular wedding, we were up t against all odds; the bride and groom were party people and both very friendly. They however insisted they were only expecting 'x'  number of guests and stuck to a budget for that number.You can imagine what happened- it was a  day of commotion,strategic re-seating arrangements, stretching of resources! The initial guest numbers were a gross understatement but we handled it. We survived, we conquered but of course you can’t please all.

Really it was just another day in the diary of a wedding planner.  If you intend to keep to a guest list, the first person you need to be double checking with are your parents. A good understanding of your family (in-laws inclusive) make up is important as well as the determination of a General to stick to your printed invite number and arrangements to curtail any unwanted guests without disrupting the event.

But what kind of invited guest are YOU and are guest lists a waste of time?

50 comments:

dinch,  8 September 2010 at 13:07  

i am a take ur friend along lollllllllllllll. i love to see and enjoy lolllll. sori

Crystal-Eyez 8 September 2010 at 13:12  

Apparently it seems like Nigerian guests make guest lists a waste of time, but they really shudn't be. A guest list will help to organize and plan the event properly...but trust our ppl to rsvp late, if they rsvp at all. Trust them to not show up after rsvp-ing, or to show up with a crowd of uninvited guests after rsvp-ing for 2. A mess! LOL.

Chic Therapy 8 September 2010 at 14:33  

i dont know how feasible a guest list is or a strictly by IV wedding is in Nigeria.First of all, if one decides on strictly by IV wedding, some uninvited long lost Uncle will still show up at the door with his Enyimba football team entourage and a "Do you know how i am" conversation will take place at the entrance. Also, fueds are bound to ensue, because some family members that were not invited will take it personal.Sigh!!

Anonymous,  8 September 2010 at 19:18  

The best think to do is allow the secruity guards deal with all that , firstly as the wedding planner on the day of the wedding you should not be anywhere near the entrance so you dont step on the wrong toes, the bride should be discret about the wedding reception, that is not giving out invites for the occassion ., then have a private party with the crowd you want trust i have been to such a function and i had a blast
MAVERICK

Anonymous,  10 September 2010 at 02:10  

But why want to attend a party if you were not invited??

Yoyo time,  10 September 2010 at 07:24  

Haba!! why is annon 02:10 talking like this? Naija la wa o! so if you land naija and your cousin/friend says " come, lets go to this party I was invited to" you wont go?
As a host sometimes you are hoping your guests bring a guest or two o. otherwise the crowd may be scant especially if the people you do invite fail to turn up!!

Tomi 13 September 2010 at 01:34  

First of all i don't even go for weddings i am not personally invited to so i really don't understand how people do it. It's like in Lagos someone's wedding becomes "something to do on a random Saturday" even if you don't know the couple. Serious case of "mo gbo mo ya!!!" I honestly expect a lot more from this new generation but if seems like they are worse. All you need to do is to discuss someone's wedding on a friday night-out and they are ready in their skimpiest dresses on saturday afternoon to show-off, drink free champagne, eat, dance and get a few numbers. It is literally like going to a night club for some! So irritating!
And you are so spot on when you say they "walk past the couple without so much as "congratulations" this is despite the fact that you can't claim you didn't notice the bride, hint: she is the one in the white dress! I helped my friend pass around her guest book at her wedding and some people i approached shamelessly said "i don't know either of them" and i thought to myself, "then why on earth are you taking up space, eating and drinking at their wedding?" Go figure!!!

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'Ama,  15 October 2011 at 08:46  

Well.. i got married on September 17th, 2011 and it was an invite-only event! My hubby pastors a branch of a big pentecostal church in our city, so we decided to invite all church workers and all married couples and a few other people we are friendly with in church. Both sets of parents were in full support of our wishes and respected their invitee limits of 30 guests per set of parents. We originally planned for 400 guests but after crossing so many unecessary people off the original list, we had about 250 in all, plus vendors. And it was such an intimate ceremony. We didnt have a sea of strangers at our wedding, we didnt have annoying photographers taking random pictures and pressurising our guests to pay exorbitant amounts to claim them (we had our own official photographer, and one for our parents), no unsightly money changers (we got some peeps from GT Bank who were on ground with mint notes for those who had need of them), no struggles for food, drinks, wedding favours, nada!. It was as classy, organised and as intimate as we wanted it to be.
Yes, trust awon aiye..they grumbled and grumbled and grumbled, but unfortunately for them, we were soooo deaf. It was OUR wedding afterall, not a church service/crusade and not a community meeting.
One over-zealous uncle had the nerve to call me out saying that "it is so unAfrican to make your wedding strictly by invitation, we are Africans and weddings are society events. What will people say..how will they feel? You will come off as snobbish"..to which my father answered him: "If you do not want to attend the wedding, be gracious enough to signify on time before we send the final head count to the caterers. Neither Africa nor the society has fed, clothed or educated my child and her wedding will hold exactly how they have planned it.Anybody that doesnt like it can go and report to EFCC" I keeled over and died laughing.
Basically, it's your wedding to execute as you wish. Thank God for understanding parents..

Anonymous,  21 October 2011 at 11:48  

'Ama! That is so funny! I'm still laughing so hard. Trying to pull off a strictly by invitation wedding is proving very difficult but i will borrow from you. It's my wedding afterall.

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